Panama: July 12, 2011

Chris will be home in a few days. I can hardly wait.  Here's a glimpse at what he has been doing, how he is feeling and what he is hoping for...  

"Sat and Sunday were bad.   I had a pain in my right side of my stomach. More of a discomfort than pain.  Just made me miserable all day.  Protocol the same all week IV and Intrathecal. Monday and Wednesday.  Doctors said that patients have complained of that discomfort.  So I guess I am fine. Wednesday night I had a terrible pain in my back.   I showed my PT Lou Vina and she said it is my ribs. I know I broke a few ribs the day of my accident.  She iced them down and I'm feeling better.  I think my line of sensation is dropping a little. Nothing to get excited about yet.  I need to feel something totally different to be for sure.  But feeling those ribs could be something or maybe PT is just beating me up. Lol. I have been bummed out this week.  I don't know why.  Struggling to get out of bed.  Jen and I struggled a little all week.  People do not realize behind the scenes what someone in a wheelchair goes through.  So much care. I know Jen gets worn out and frustrated.  Constant maintenance. It's hard.  It's gonna take time to figure all this out.  I need constant reminders that I should be thankful that I am as mobile as I am. I met a kid from Philly. He's a quadriplegic. Swimming accident he's 21. He smiles all the time and he can barely move his arms.  I pat him on the shoulder and tell him good luck every time I see him.  He's flying out this weekend. 
Another woman from the states was shot by her husband. She's a quad too. Bullet hit her spinal cord. Unbelievable. So sad. She has a five year old daughter.  I heard she picked up her arm for the first time since her accident.   We were so pleased to hear that news.   I take a step back and take inventory when I see people worse off than my injury..  I admire their courage.  I hope they get the progress they came to panama for.    My life is hard. Their lives require more care and are harder than mine. I think when that tree collapsed if I was a little slower I could of been killed or had a worse injury.   Both of these people are here with friends and neighbors to care for them.  Not even family. God bless those people. Free ticket to heaven even if they never step foot in a church ever again.
I look around at my situation and think of the friends and family I have and I am a lucky man.  I am truly blessed.  I won't ever take that for granted.   Went to the mall. It is about 5 times bigger than any mall back home.  It's funny all these stores. Reebok, Nike, Mcdonalds, Under Armor. Jennifer Lopez blasting through out these places. Restaurants we eat at got English all over the menu. Chicken,steak, fish.  Iced tea, beer. English period.   Tell the cashier you want a Big Mac and she is lost in the sauce.  Looks at you like your crazy. It's funny. I ordered a chicken pita at this place. The menu says chicken pita. I just said what the menu said. She was lost. I had to pull the menu out and point. Seriously.  Jen had a ball at the mall. Mostly everything costs  less than back home. I needed to get out of that place. Too many people. Thousands of people everywhere. Like cattle running wild. I just wanted to ditch the chair and walk around. Frustrating. Felt like every eye was on me.  Took a trip to the casino. Just pushed around a while. I was just bummed. I wanted to walk around. Play some slots. Have a beer or two. Relax and enjoy life.  I haven't had a sip of alcohol since my accident.  I don't even  want it. I didn't drink much up to getting hurt anyways.  We all played in that alumni football game together.  It was a great experience.   Competed a year ago at the Arnold Classic. I got everything out of my system.   I was just switching gears when this happened to me.  I was finally slowing down.  I played hard for years. I was finally content with everything jen and I made around us.  I was at peace in my life. Not too Many people can say that and mean it.   I was gonna maybe get a boat. Take the boys fishing. Buy a little camp or trailer on a lake.  Spend weekends with jen and the boys. Just slow  everything around me down.  The boys are growing up fast.   People tell me you can still do that. Yea I probably can. I don't want it that way.   I feel like I got cut short in life.  I hope in time everything changes for the better.   I have been receiving umbilical cord injections and IV injections for 3 weeks. My last week will be my own bone marrow.  They flood your system with your own stem cells.   Im excited to get through this.  I gotta continue hard therapy at home.  I stood about 10 times at therapy.  Filled an hour up of up and down.  Felt good. One time I stood up so straight and tall.   I forgot how tall I was. Men and women are short in panama. I felt like a giant. Im only 6'2". Jen just looked at me and cried.  It's a balance point. Someone locking your knees. Someone locking your hips. And up you go. I'm gonna work on braces and a walker when I get home.  I put a pic on Facebook. God it looked natural.  My last time standing hurt a little in my back.  I dropped my head and was catching my breath.  My PT looked at me and asked me what was wrong. I told her that it takes a lot of energy to stand.  She told me that I'm her boy. Her English is broken but understandable. She said "everything I tell u to do chris, u do. No questions. Be proud. Other patients cannot do what you do and they have been in chair for long time.". Nothing like a compliment to perk ya up.. Lol that voice of hers will ring forever in my head.  Her wording too.  She taught jen and frank how to get me on my feet.  She said " no no no chris jennifer is too small to control your hips.". I looked at Lou Vina and said," trust me Jenny  can do this, she's stronger than u think." you have to grab the back of my boxers and pull to get me up. Keep my hips in line while I'm up.  I told my PT that all this is is a super wedgie where I'm from and jen can handle this.   She said'"what is wedgie.". We laughed as I explained what a wedgie is. She just laughs at me.  She has been putting a tens unit on my quads to get them to flex. Try to keep my muscle mass. The little pads won't stick to my legs.  My legs are hairy. She told me to shave 2 squares on each leg.  I thought she was joking.  I didn't do it and the  next day was hot for a second or two.   I told her that I would look silly with four white shaved patches on my legs. She laughed it off.    I learned a lot in panama. I learned to be on the ground. Stand up. I slept in a real bed.  I have been in hospital beds for 3-1/2 months. I uneven transferred into a minivan. Piece of cake. I was a car only guy.lol it felt really good to get into that van. it was high up I just hopped right into it. I got my last umbilical cord stem cell injection and IV on friday.  I felt fine all night.  PT was great on Friday. I don't have the fear anymore of falling or getting out of the chair.  We got under the smith machine. Stood up and the trainer pulled my chair out and slid an exercise ball under me. I sat down on it. My PT sat in front held my knees and kept me balanced until I felt comfortable. I was like holy shit I'm gonna fall. Lol. Then that voice,"Chris you think I ever let you fall, come on now, try to relax."  Lou Vina told me that it has been an honor working with me. I was speechless when she said that.  I told her after stumbling over my tongue that it has been a honor to work with u. I will miss her. We have good chemistry. before I knew it I was floating on the ball while holding the bar on the smith machine. I had to hot dog it and go one handed.lol I Almost let em both off but I know I would of got plastered on the floor.    Great workout. Was on that ball for bout a half hour balancing.   I was sweating and my arms were exhausted.   We even stood A few more times before we left.  I got my own therapy game plan when I get home.  I learned all kinds of aggressive therapy.  Things that I would of never attempted.  We all visited the Panama Canal on Saturday.  Man I was in awe at the engineering and the size of those cargo ships. Just awesome. We all had dinner at a really nice restaraunt viewing a part of the canal.  We had a good day.  One more week of shots and therapy. Still praying for a miracle."