MORE FROM CHRIS

I just opened my email and found this from my brother this morning!  Something befitting about finding it on Independence Day as it seems that my brother is fighting to do just that--claim his independence, get back to someplace. Remembering who he is, finding value and strength and courage in what matters most... I miss him. We all miss him. The fourth won't be the same without our Chris.  But we are lifted by his humor, his tenacity, his desire to find the silver lining, to hold on tight to his wife and kids and to find laugh in love in all that he does. Panama has been such a blessing for Chris and Jen and the boys. It is giving them back the most important parts of themselves. It is helping them to rebuild and renew and learn how to begin again.  We have all of you to thank for that...  So, Chris writes...

"
Had a crazy week. We were having lunch on a patio at Los Cedros. Imagine that Lebanese food. It was very good but Jens family does it better back home. A car wrecked into a motorcycle right in front of us. We enjoyed listening to them flip out on each in Spanish. Motorcyclist down here are crazy. They squeeze in any hole between cars and that's how they get jacked up. We had a bad storm. It rained like crazy. I was on the way to the clinic to get my injections. Not good drainage here in the streets. The water in areas was over our bumper. We needed a boat. Lol. Cars were stranded and pulled over. But not my cab driver. He was laughing and talking. I was spitting Spanish out fluently back to him. Jen says they must have injected Spanish stem cells into me. It's freaking me out too. When we got to the clinic my cells weren't even there yet from the lab. A guy that speaks no English popped through the door soaking wet with a case of my cells from the lab. Same routine injections and IV. I got a headache later from the intrathecal. I'm doing good. I feel good. I have been wanting to do a pull up since I got injured. Finally it was our workout Wednesday. I wanted to feel the sensation of standing. I couldn't wait to do this. I did 6 pull ups. All the blood just dropped in my body to my feet and legs. Plus I had a pain in my middle back. I sat in my chair and got my breath. I told Lou Vina my PT that I used to do sets of 15 at one time before my accident. It just bummed me out that feeling when I pulled up. I looked at her and told her I wanna do more. Did 4 more pull ups, then 2. Damn I felt terrible after that. We went and did chest and triceps. I jumped out the chair to a weight bench. Tried to do dips. I have no core strength or balance. I couldn't do 1 rep. Dead weight. I got stuck on the floor. Trainers had to pick me up. I'm learning that you need so much of your body to make a simple movement. I was bummed by the fact that I couldnt do a dip. No control of my body. Before I left I did more pull ups. A couple sets. I pulled until I was close to passing out. Just wanted to feel like I was standing. It hurt like hell but I just wanted to stand. Made me realize I need more than legs to walk. That evening after PT and the injections I was sitting on the couch. I felt so good for a moment. I felt like me more than ever. I was looking out the Window and just drifted away for a moment thinking about when my boys were babies. I used to hold them they would just drape their arms over me like little monkeys. They would put their face in my neck and I would just walk and wear the carpet out back and forth. Back and forth till they fall asleep. Mostly Christopher. Brady once in a blue moon. Even up to my accident I would hold Christopher like that. That thought keeps me awake at night. It haunts me in the middle of the night. I sometimes cry at night bout that thought. That is my fuel. It's like rocket fuel. When I wanna quit I think of this and I work like a maniac. It gives me the drive cause I wanna Stand up and hold them the right way. It just feels better than giving them a hug from the wheelchair. I was thinking bout all this and a few minutes later I went to stand up. I completely for a split second forgot about being paralyzed. That never happened to me before. We will do whatever we need to do with these treatments: whatever happens happens. My legs are bouncing like crazy at times with spasms. At night when I try to transfer to the shower I put my foot on the floor. It retracts itself back to the foot peg. It did it so methodically like I purposely did it. It did it three times. Jen and just laughed so hard when my foot was going back on it's own. Jen said" someone is afraid of their shower!!!" referring to my right leg. jenny is good for some one liners. I laughed so hard. When my feet get tickled my legs bounce all over the place. Jen tried to put a sock on me this morning and my leg kept pulling her onto the bed. It's histerical. She bitches and says this leg is stubborn and plays tug of war with my right leg! Lol!!!I hope that's a good sign. We laugh so hard. Good medicine for tough times. We can handle anything now. We made it this far we can handle anything I tell her. I have more spasms than before. I hope that's a good thing. Gotta go for now! Talk to you soon!"

Addendum:  Another message from Chris sent Friday! Keep reading!!
"Thursday Jen and Frank invited a mother and her two daughters over for dinner. They are from California. The husband had to fly back for work so they were on their own for two more weeks. My wife's family is very generous. They always wanna cook for the world. Tanya and Jen cooked a huge meal for all of us. The family From California brought a friend. We even invited the cab driver Pedro up for dinner. After some conversation the mother said that this reminded her of the movie my big fat Greek wedding. I spoke up and said that is exactly how they are. We all laughed and had a great time. We met them at the clinic. The one daughter is here with SCI. She was like 15 I think when she was injured. How heart breaking to be that young. She is so upbeat and happy and goes to college. Such a great family. Frank and jen even bought a cake for the cab driver. It was his birthday yesterday. We sang happy birthday to him In Spanish. He just smiled ear to ear. Such a good person. Our guests were just overwhelmed with all the generosity. I laid in bed that night not thinking about myself. I thought of all the lives we touched. They all thanked us many times before they left. If someone would of told me March 2cnd that I would be in Panama City, Panama, having dinner with Pedro and a family from California ..."